A Letter to the Girl I Used to Be

Dear young me,

It’s been a while.

I know you feel misplaced, lost, and as confused as can be.

You’ve taken bits and pieces from the girls you envy,

And aspire to be, only to feign a whole new personality.

That personality is me.

Am I really the person you wanted me to be?

Still, I would like to believe that

You and I are the same.

We always will be.

In retrospect,

I wish I was more like you, and less like me.

When my mom told me her little girl had disappeared,

Into a distant, delusive, and distorted memory,

That she occupied an empty shell and her eyes no longer shone,

I lied, and told her she was mistaken,

But I had never felt more alone.

Maybe it’s life, maybe I’ve just grown.

But I wanted to apologize to you,

For all the pain and melancholy I made you feel,

I hate the fact that I didn’t let you heal.

I would spend a lifetime trying to make up for all my mistakes.

You’re beautiful, brilliant, and brave.

I’m so sorry your joy was the one thing I couldn’t save.

I can’t stand the fact that I only have meagre remnants of you existing inside of me,

I would do anything to go back to being the girl I used to be.